1. Declare an ex cathedra reinterpretation of the Canons of the Council of Trent. It turns out that it really says, those who say that Justification is NOT by Faith Alone are anathema. Must have been a typo. Also, ban all future ex cathedra statements.
2. Schedule several speed-dating sessions, invite all priests and nuns. On the way out have them sign up for pre-marital counseling.
3. Clarify that the Real Presence in Holy Communion means Spiritual presence received by faith.
4. Apologize to Muslims for past apologies when my predecessor unfortunately apologized for saying we have important differences. It turns out we do.
5. Get a new hat. Preferably something with a wide brim and not so pointy on top, like with a quarterhorse crease.
6. Narrow sacraments down from seven to two.
7. Start a new department, the Congregation of Preachers. Hire itinerant preachers from the likes of Joel Beeke, Paul Washer, Sinclair Ferguson, David P Murray, Joseph Pipa, Al Mohler, RC Sproul, Bill Shishko, Terry Johnson, Mark Dever, Kevin De Young, and Ligon Duncan as itinerant preachers to make rounds all over Christendom, especially cathedrals in major cities.
8. Remove and bury all the skulls, pig and goat bones on display encased and enshrined around the premises. Creepy!
9. Call a solemn day of fasting and public repentance for St. Bartholomew’s Day.
10. Plan out my coming year on the calendar of what to be researching in the Vatican library and hire a Latin professor from the Vatican’s Pontifical University as my private tutor. Why not?
Ha! Good stuff.
Sent this to my pastor. I asked him earlier tonight if he would consider pursuing this position. He said no way, too many differences and wouldn’t give up the wife!
Love it! Sharing